The Air is Filled with Spices

Spent a lot of time in the barn with the sheep this morning. It feels so right to be with them, taking my time, not rushing off to a stressful job. The chickens must have been hungry when Matt was feeding them over the weekend, as they cleaned out their own nest boxes for me. I loaded them with new hay and gave the few eggs to the cats. I gave the hungry birds lots of egg layer mash and corn. They adore corn but for some reason it does not make them produce eggs the way the mash does. I found another clutch of beautiful eggs under a stanchion and saved them to put over the dog kibble. The lambs are fabulous, growing so well, big and beautiful. I have my favorites - Loki and Nicholas, the big, black Merino/BFL crosses, and Blue Boy, oversized son of the tiny black ewe, daughter of Myrna, one of my favorite old timers. The others will have to go in the freezer, something unthinkable for me in previous years, but the reality of the situation is very sobering. I refuse to take them to auction, which is terrifying and cruel for any animal, and will have Matt take them to our local abbatoir to be made into sausage - meat in disguise. Sure, it's wonderful to be a "No Kill" farm, but that's for rich people, or people who don't breed. The livestock world is the perfect place to exercise your gender bias. Boys are practically born to die, except for the select few who are saved for a few years to breed. Males can be castrated and saved for wool growers, but I have a few of those already. They can be pussycats, or big bullies who push the ewes away from the food. I don't know what to do with all the buck kids. I know my mother fed us lamb chops growing up, but I'm quite sure I have never eaten goat, and not sure I want to start. I know Matt would, as he lived in Texas for so many years, but I won't cook it for him, and he would never cook it himself. I put Billy Goat, who will never be eaten, in the hay mow and he's still there, four hours later. I'll go and get him now. I was hoping he would see the others eating hay and try some himself. He only cries when he hears my voice downstairs. It's not very cold today, around 30, and snowing steadily. I made a pot of lentil soup, with onions, celery, sweet sausage, and tomatoes. I have a big load of lovely spices from my shepherd friend who sells them at her booth for cooking with lamb. I used a bunch of them in generous portions in my lentil soup, like curry, herb seasoning, celery seed and whatever. Mia always brings me wine, which we never drink, and I use it in my soup - so delicious. Matt hates lentils so this will be a perfect thing for me to eat for a couple of days. The apartment smells divine.