Cold Sunny and Beautiful

It's one of those days where you could lie on a snow bank and get some color on your face. Up until three AM with lambs, up at 7. Two of my aged ewes gave birth last night and neither was in shape to take care of them. Lonnie had the tiniest little ewe lamb and not a drop of milk. I saw her doing that standing and staring during feeding time and put her in a pen so I could feed her seperately, without interference from other sheep. She ate corn and hay like she was hollow inside. Low and behold, around midnight, there was a tiny mewing little baby in the pen with her. Lonnie was standing, looking away from the baby and chewing on hay...still hungry. Did all my tricks but not interested. When I milked out her teats, there was nothing there. Brought the baby inside. Around two I went for another walk-through and on the way back was shocked to see my Donna, who had prolapsed last year, was lying on the floor with two ram lambs behind her, still in bags, wavering slightly, not licked off. Got them all penned up, wiped off, heat lamp, Nutri Drench, the whole deal. Got a few drops of colostrum from her and gave it to all three. She, also, was not in any shape to nurse lambs. Babies too weak to stand and cold. I decided to help the moms get back in shape and take care of the lambs myself. Lost one of the ram twins in the night. Three in the neonatal ICU. Matt got round bales this morning and most of the flock is chowing down on them in the sun. It would be a wonderful site to see but poor Breeze is not good and can't get up to eat them, despite the Banamine which helped when he first became symptomatic with meningeal worm. Matt and I together can't get his back legs up. I won't let him suffer and lay in the weather they way I have seen other people do with their llamas, putting off the inevitable. When I bought Chris and Breeze in New Jersey they were living on a hard packed patch of dirt in the front yard. Ironically, the fields, streams and ponds they enjoyed so much with me contained the snails that carry this parasite. It's the high, dry pastures that are less dangerous (unless a deer carrying the worm decides to walk through and drop thousands of eggs with a single poop). After losing my goats to it last fall, and now this, I could just give up. But that is farming - the agony and the ecstacy. Unbearable cuteness, incredible sadness and tragedy. While in the barn today I watched the new lambs running and jumping, doing their little mule kicks and loving life. That's what keeps me going even with blows like this gut wrenching meningeal worm. When Dr. Rachel was last here for Breeze she told me about local alpaca people with deep pockets taking their animals to Cornell for treatment - to no avail. I'm not going to put Breeze or myself through that. If a miracle happens and this marvelous sunshine and the meds gives him the strength to get up, I will be ecstatic...but I have to prepare myself for the worst.