Milky Way

I went outside last night and stared up at the sky for a while. The Milky Way was clearly visible in the crystal clear moonless night, with planets here and there. I get a star map in the NY Times and I am learning how to pick out a few constellations. The sky reminded me that I have been here on this farm for two years this week. It was August 1, 2006 that I landed here with the flock. We lived in the little sheep show trailer up on the northside hill just above the barn. There were few lights working in the barn at all, and very little light pollution. I would feel my way out to the picnic table, lie on my back and watch meteors streak across the sky. I could put my hand in front of my face and not see it, but the light show was magnificent. I am terrified of the dark, but, with my fuzzy logic, if I made my way to the table, then back to the trailer, I was safe. The sheep, cats and dogs are not afraid of the dark, but they don't know what I know about spirits that wander about. I tried not to "take stock" of the last two years for fear I would pack up and go home, but there's nothing to go home to anyway. Sure, I am hanging on, but thriving? Hardly. The deck is stacked against farmers as it is, and getting more so. I got out of the trailer and into the barn apt. a year ago, but now we face getting into "compliance" with the NY State building and energy codes. No fines, but a long list of things to do before the deadline of December 1 which will sap any extra money I can come up. They want us to dig a four foot trench around the whole end of the barn we are living in, and coat the wall with insulation foam board - very labor intensive and costly. (That's an alternative to what they initially wanted, which was to tear up the pine floor inside and insulate under it!) They want fire walls above us and between the apt. and animals, also very costly and a ton of labor...and then there is the septic. The barn has a smitten of hay, the weather is great, but no mowing going on. Any tractor money I can save will have to go for the compliance project. I told Matt we should just buy a used double wide and move out of the apt. but he doesn't want to. Two years of three steps forward and two backward. Matt has an exciting new career he would never have found in NJ, and that is something to be thankful for, but my sheep farm is still struggling. It's all up to me.