Musings

Will do some tidying up, which I don't like to do, before I do the things I like to do.  It's my self-imposed rewards system.  Tinkerbell is sitting on my shoulder and purring in my ear, telling me, that's okay, the work will get done, spend some more time with me.  The Today Show, which I can't watch during the school year, is on TV.  Nicki Manaj is performing on the square outside the studio.  I was proctoring a test for one student at my school a couple of years ago.  He was fidgeting and staring out the window.  I asked him if he was okay, and he told me he couldn't take the test unless Nicki M. music was playing.  I had never heard of her.  I thought about it and said let me see what I can do.  I found her recordings on the internet and started the tunes playing.  He got to work, mouthing the words to the songs silently, and knocked out the test in no time.  That's what I like about being a special ed teacher in an alternative school.  Sometimes the kids need a little extra something...I'm sewing some gorgeous bags.  Somehow it seems right to create these functional yet lovely totes to carry the weight of the world.  Whenever I see someone carrying a tiny little flimsy bag I think their life must be wonderfully uncomplicated.  Mine is anything but.  That is my choice, or is it an inability to draw back and analyze what works and what doesn't,  what I can manage without stress vs. a constant crusher.  I think I am finally able to see things with more lucidity.  Having too much to do takes me away from certain realities I don't want to deal with.  I'm so lucky - I still wake up in the morning without having to take a single pill, letting the blessings of good coffee give me everything I need.  I have beautiful animals for company.  I'm going to do some chores - the barn floor looks terrible.  Lukie, God bless him, scraped up a whole bunch of dried manure but didn't have time to haul it out to the pile before I took him to Maine. I'll finish the task for him, with tears falling on the shovels full of poop.  What a fierce little worker he is!  I'll come back inside, put on a movie and sew my beautiful bags.  It works for me.