Bodie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is what I have been screaming most of the morning. I got up to call in sick and take Bodie to the vet. I had begged an apt. from Pittsfield Veterinary and they gave me 9:45. I gave Bodie the leftover chicken and gravy with biscuits for breakfast, which he eats sideways with one side of his mouth. I'm convinced he had a stroke, which accounts for his walking sideways and tilting his head. I thought I would leave him be this morning, but he got up and walked to the door and waited. I slipped a Carhartt over my nightie and helped him out. After getting him situated on a grassy spot near the White Boys I went back in to get Matt up, who, just my luck, was not anxious to get up this morning. I can't believe it, as not only am I sick but I have to take care of Bodie, maybe for the last time depending on what the vet says, and Matt's in a bad mood. Went back out to Bodie and no Bodie! He's GONE!! I combed the fields which are cold and wet, acres and acres, up to the dead pile (one of Bodie's favorite places), down to the road, checked the test hole for the septic that Jack fell into last year, but no Bodie. I see Matt driving up the road to work, waving goodbye. It's late and I have the apt. I begged for. No choice but to call them and explain. Thinking they will never give me an emergency apt. again, I ask if I can bring a sick kitten and they say yes. Throw on some clothes and off to Pittsfield, west of New Berlin, about 15 miles. Get kitty taken care of with all the staff wondering how this crazy woman can lose a dog that's about to die. On the way out the door she says, I hope you find your dog. Rush home, no Bodie. All the time I prayed he had come home. I think he knew what was happening and said no way, I would rather crawl in a hole and die than take the needle. I don't blame him. Have to go back out and look. I took Holly and Izzy to find him but they didn't help. I have to go up the ridge through the apple orchard now. My farms' not that big but there are many nooks, crannies, trees and rocks to hide behind. And it's cold. And I'm sick. Oh, Bodie, I'm so sorry. I won't take you to the vet, just come home!